"Do You Ever Miss Home?"

December 24 • 2018

I’ve been asked this question quite a few times now. The picture above represents the center and University of Bucharest where I have studied computer science. I was there for a few days in October and I wanted to rent a place that has the view composed of the landmarks that witnessed my passion, hustle, determination, enthusiasm and desperation every time I was walking around them.

I never left because of poor conditions, it was quite the opposite: I had the best conditions I can ask for at those certain times, but I always had a vision, I always wanted more and I was willing to lose everything I had. Every time I left a certain place, I was doing it with a purpose, so it actually not even occurred to me to look back except for gathering the lessons. When someone would ask me the question from the title I would get confused: I’m here right now because I worked hard to arrive at this point so that I can have an even bigger impact, why would I even think about the past, no matter how good it was, moreover miss it? You can’t fly to your dreams while also holding the grounded ropes which are leading to your past.

I am a very melancholic person when it comes to remembering the past, maybe that’s why I take tens of photos daily, because I want to remember the amazing moments that I’m currently living, but I’m never in a situation when I wish to go back, everything is constantly changing and I’m happy that I got the opportunity to live those moments, especially that they made me the person who I am today. But just the thought of going back to those moments makes me think of a big regression: I have much more knowledge and experience comparing with just 2 weeks ago, so imagining going back to the activities I was doing more than 1 year ago is frightening.

Maybe by “home” we refer just to the location or people instead of the actions, but I have a different vision of “home”:

Home is in the eyes of each person you meet. It may sound like a really bad line for overly-romantic-teenage kids, but isn’t that true? Aren’t you affecting the lives of the people you come in contact with, even for a few seconds? Every time a person looks at you, the light reflects your image into their eyes, you are visible to them in their brain now, in one form or another, you are now in their head, in their memories. Every person sees you differently based on their own paradigm of the world, some may see you good, some may see you bad, there are thousands or millions or billions of images and interpretations of you in others people’s mind, but only one has the real you. From all of these people, if you influence their lives positively, they’ll cary you in their mind forever, they will have a special place for you there and they will tell other people about you when you are not there. In a way, that’s home, and it’s a special place to be in.
Of course, there are some people on this earth that have a bigger “place/home” for you in their mind, those are the people you want to be around the most and to take care of them as much as you can.

For me, they are the real “home”, and knowing that I have so many homes around this world makes it a bit harder for me to feel alone or to miss a certain physical place. People, comparing to buildings or cities, they are mobile and in our days you can meet wherever you want in this world.

It’s true that you want to be around those people that have the most beautiful home in their head for you, but “missing” them implies helplessness, the inability to either go there, or to create new, bigger homes in the place where you are right now. It’s not easy to get over something if it was not your choice, or if you were forced by the circumstances to leave it behind, but it’s part of the adaptability and progress that will make you a better person.

To answer the question, I am grateful for all of the homes that I have and for the fact that I have the opportunity to make them even bigger and beautiful, in a way that it will positively influence the people carrying them.